Friday, February 17, 2006

man with windy hat

That's what I texted to myself this morning, so i would remember to blog it later. Because it had been a pretty rough morning and i wanted to remember something that made me laugh.
You see, I had to leave the house at 6 this morning. Which is never good. I do it every other friday, but on this particular friday I woke up at 5:30 and i thought the world was falling apart. There is a vent in my bathroom (which is on the top floor of the house) that, I guess, leads pretty directly outside. So whenever there is wind you can hear it through the vent. This morning I could feel it. It was cold and there was a lot of it. When I finally looked out a window the trees were bending over, and it was still dark out, and cold, and icy. I just wanted to get back in bed. But I didn't I dressed myself out of the laundry basket (don't tell me you've never done it) and hauled my ass down the stairs and out the door.
And it was every bit as miserable as i'd feared. The wind was totally blowing me over. When you mix that with the solid sheet of ice that was the ground you end up with one swollen and bruised ass. I think I fell eight times on my three block walk to the streetcar. I was in no mood to smile.
So eight blocks down, when I crossed something that made me laugh out loud I felt compelled to share it with the rest of you who may not be so chipper today. There was this guy. Sort of middle-aged, a little, let's say, cumbersome in size. Just tall and big all around. Plus he was wearing a huge coat and gloves and scarf. And he had lost his hat. It was rolling around with the wind on the ground. It seemed to be caught up in a mini-whirlwind cuz every time he reached for it it would switch directions and fly off. He was so caught in this struggle, but every time he would straighten up, run after it, get it in his sights and bend down again, and then the hat would take off again. I watched it for the entire minute my streetcar was stopped at the red light and even craned my neck as we passed. He still didn't have his hat when I lost sight of him, but he also hadn;t given up the struggle. So I thought, maybe this stormy shit weather we had this morning is mother nature letting off some steam, and if that guy and his hat were any indication, sister has a twisted sense of humour, and I respect that in a woman.
It is impolite to laugh at someone, but when they don't know, will never know, i don't think there is much harm. I have embarrased mself enough, bringing laughs to many others. I will blush with embarassment, but never hurt. People falling down is funny. period. People spilling on themselves is funny. Period. Man fighting nature, a fight he will inevitably lose. funny.
So thanks dude, thanks for not giving up the fight. And mother nature. you kick ass. you kicked mine this morning.

Monday, February 13, 2006

I believe it's spelled Q-U-E-E-F

When is the last time you thought about queefing, or, in layman's terms, vaginal flatulence.
For me, it had been years, and then, for some reason or another (shut your mouth Tasha) I had cause to think of it this weekend. And, just because it was on my mind, slipped out of my mouth at breakfast with friends.
And, in true sam form, the very q-word managed to slip from my lips just as our waiter was approaching the table. He, being, as most PC-ly described, a real man's man, had probably never encountered such a thing as a queef and just backed up from the table, shocked and perhaps a little scared.
My brunch buddies and I fell into a deep laughter that lasted for probably close to ten minutes. The kind that just seems to roll on and on. As soon as it slowed the word was repeated, or someone would chuckle and it would start all over again. Later on, however, I started to wonder, if pressed, how I could explain the queefing phenomenon to one inclined to learn. I looked it up on Wikipedia. Here is what I discovered:


Vaginal flatulence
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from
Queef)
Jump to:
navigation, search

Vaginal flatulence (flatus vaginalis in Latin) is an emission, or expulsion of air from the vagina, often during or after sexual intercourse or (less often) cunnilingus or anal sex. The sound is somewhat comparable to flatulence from the anus, but does not involve waste gasses, and thus has no associated odor.

Prevention
There are a number of common techniques for minimizing occurance of vaginal flatulence: for vaginal intercourse, the outward pushing
Kegel exercise can have some effect, as well as avoidance of sexual positions where the woman raises her hips and thighs (such as when raising the legs over the head, which helps to form a tight seal during the inward strokes.) Artificial lubrication may also help to reduce incidents.

Slang
"Queef", "beaver burp", "pussy fart", "The Chuck Deluxe," and "vart" are all slang terms which refer to vaginal flatulence ("Queef" derived from the sound.)

Pornography
The sound can also be considered erotic, and is the subject
of a pornographic sub-genre.

art face

We don't yet have a coffeemaker at my new house, and the other day, in search of mother caffeine I set off on a trek that led me to the roastery, a local coffee shop that is in liberty village. Becase, I guess, it is generally populated by the collios who work at Corus and Sony during the week it was quite deserted when I arrived on Saturday morning. As a result, I was left with the roaring (gas) fire, my cappucino and two local papers to peruse to the soft strains of CBC 1 on 94.1fm.
The point is that I found two kick ass pubs that I have since signed up for online. The Liberty Gleaner and the Parkdale-Liberty are the modern day equivalent of the medieval town crier. They don't often have shocking headlines or any money so to speak. But they are at the mercy of the community and the coverage is, therefore, pointed and informative for the local universe.
So, this month's Liberty-Gleaner had a great event posting that I wanted to share with everyone who I can get to, because I think everyone should take part. Opening July 1, the AGO is mounting what will hopefully be the largest exhibited collection of portraits, ever. They are hoping to enter it into the Guinness Book of World Records and because they do not have an infinite account for acquisitions they are asking for the help of the people of Toronto and beyond.
The request is that anyone who wants to be a part submit a portrait (self or otherwise) to the museum on a 4x6 inch card. They can be drawn, painted or even written. And the amassed collection will, hopefully, represent the broad diversity of the Canadian populace.
I have already roped my roomies and all my friends into the project and hope that when, come summer, I go to see the exhibit I will see a few more friendly faces (or at least some people I know).



submit your portraits to:
"In Your Face"
Art Gallery of Ontario
317 Dundas St W
Toronto, ON
M5T 1G4

Friday, February 10, 2006

David Hasselhoff burned my retinas

***********WARNING*******************************************************************
The images that you will find at this link are the virtual equivalent of a car wreck. The images are painful, yet you will not be able to turn away. And you will be left with the memory to haunt you in your waking hours and in your dreams.
The responsibility of viewing should not be taken lightly.
That said, I would not trade the experience for all the fat-bellied, grit-eating children in Georgia.
******************************************************************************************
http://www.youtube.com/w/David-Hasselhoff---Hoocked-On-A-Feeling?v=RN4irN97yYw&search=david%20hasselhoff

Thursday, February 09, 2006

GI Joe Revisited

Have you guys ever seen these? They are fucking hilarious!

For those who haven't, do you remember the public service announcements at the end of the GI Joe cartoons that I know you were watching on Saturday mornings? Well some twisted genius has taken them, uploaded them, erased the sound and added some funny as fuck voice overs that make no sense. But the beauty lies in the inanity and pointlessness of the phrases.
And I have now decided that, if simplicity may reign for just a moment, you can pretty much classify all people into two categories. Those who 'get' the humour and laugh til they are peeing a little at the GI Joe cartoons, and those who don't. Either they are going to appeal to you or they are not. There is something so subtle, yet obvious about the humour that you are not going to force yourself one way or another. Either you're laughing or your not. Neither side is right... except the side that is laughing.

Are you ready to find out who you really are? watch the
videos at ebaums world.com to know for sure.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Maple Starfucker

As was probably made apparent in my last post, I have a little bit of love for the national arts.
Yesterday I was called a starfucker, and I had to admit, it is a little true. But my only defense is that I don't worship false idols. I have no love for the Hollywood celebs. I do want to know about the Bennifer baby and the Jenn and Brad break up as much as the next girl. But it is just not where my true dedication lies.
In this last year's Toronto Film Fest I ended up working for one of the major studios on one of their big ticket films, and several other junkets (press events) that they were having in the city at the same time. My job amounted to "celebrity babysitter." For reasons of legality (ie, they would sue my ass if I used names) I will have to shield the identity of the particular stars. But suffice it to say there was a white-haired funny man known for physical comedy and sarcasm, a beuty who spent her formative years in an awkward yet lovable show that was cut to short that now plays late nights on Family channel, a young hollywood royal who stunned in his debut in a Wes Anderson film, and a woman who was invited for chianti and fava beans. They were all great people. Nice and down-to-earth. But I never once felt the love and tug of autographs or pledges of my first born.
But for some reason I am ready to lay myself out for the Canucks. I mean, who didn't have a crush on George Strombolopolous or Rick the Temp growing up? And Ryan Gosling I could eat with a spoon. I also have a weirdly incomprehensible crush on Peter Outerbridge. The man is pretentious as fuck, but I love the swagger. I can't help it. And Kevin Drew from Broken Social Scene, yum.
This is all to say that I have a new unrequited love. I recently met Michael Mabbott, the director of 'The Life and Hard Times of Guy Terriffico" at Canada's Top Ten. And I completely fell for the slightly movie geekishness and laid-back stylings of the writer who coined my new catch phrase, "Hump the Drum". He had the friendliness that spoke to his Albertan upbringing and schooling in the amiable maritimes and a laidback quality that one can only acquire by living in Vancouver. Add that together with the sarcasm that is uniquely Toronto and you get a nationwide sensibility in one man. Plus he is cute as hell.
Maybe I am a local starfucker because they are easier to meet, more attainable. Or maybe its because to some extent I know that they share a sensibility and passion for indigenous arts and culture and the improvement and forward movement of whatever it is we are going to call a "national identity". Probably it is a little bit of both. Either way, I may rub one out to Michael Mabbott later, and I am going to like it.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Canadian Film is Terrifico!

I went to go see a great film this weekend called The Life and Hard Times of Guy Terrifico. You must all go see it. Have I mentioned my caped crusade for Canadian film. It has been pointed out to me on several occasions that I am a Canadian Culture junkie. And I guess with working at the CFC, watching Canadian films every weekend, having a major Canadian line-up in my stereo and general loving all things maple I don't really have a leg to stand on. I admit it, I love Canadian cultural products and I don't care who knows it.
But the thing is, even though it is my passion to promote Canadian artists, I am less and less likely to see these products as only worthy cause they are indigenous... They are fucking good, and people protest because they see things Canadian as being somehow sub-par. It's ridiculous. It comes out of people's mouths with the sour saccharine of sarcasm, "Oh, it's Canadian?!" And then they refuse to come with me. It really boils my blood. Like just because it is supported by our overnment and part of a Cancon requirement then somehow it must be Train 48. Now I am not saying it's all good. But have you seen some of the shit coming out of the States, which people hold on high as the mecca of entertainment. There is bad and GOOD stuff in this country. You must seek it out though, and once we really support our talented artists, they will emerge to the forefront and run a cultural industry worthy of our tastes... or flee south of the border. But that is another beef that I have, this time with the artists who flee, another time, another blog.
Anyway, so, if you are looking for a source for what is good in Canadian media. you can check playback, the papers, or any canadian media website. Or just ask me, I have a few suggestions.

Friday, February 03, 2006

sorry to my avid readers... both of you

I recently discovered myspace.com and have been bloging there. But I am going to try and copy everything from there into here from now on. So here's what you missed over the last couple weeks:


Thursday, February 02, 2006
spaces proves the world is this small Current mood: ebullient


Last night I attended the opening of my friend Lindsay's show, Spaces at the Steamwhistle Brewery and Gallery. It was absolutely fantastic. Her art is moody, expressive and beautiful. She uses charcoal and oils on canvas to create these sooty urban and nature scenes that are incredible. They make me think of Dickens and European travelogues. I don't know why. It's weird how art can bring thoughts to mind without meaning. I think that is what beauty and worldview is all about. You really must get out and see it. Details follow at the end of this blog.
Also, I had a weird night there because, totally randomly, a million people I was not expecting to see showed up at the show and it turned into quite a schmooze. Some were more welcome than others. But it was generally fun to walk down memory lane and catch up with my peeps.



Steam Whistle Brewery - Spaces - Feb 1
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Spaces"
Next Wednesday February 1st
Opening starts at 6 pm
at
Steam Whistle Brewery
Next Wednesday we will be hosting our 2nd Art Opening of the year.
As always there will be great atmosphere created by you! and a live
Dj spinning groovy tunes. Good treats to eat and great beer will
keep a smile on your face while take in the fantastic works and chat
with new and friendly people.
Toronto-based emerging artists, Lindsay Malet and Jack Wilkinson will
exhibit their original and collaborative works at the Steam Whistle
Gallery from February 1st to the 27th. The brewery’s large industrial
space with 30ft ceilings and generous natural light lends itself well
to showing the artists’ drawings, some measuring between 8 and 12
feet in length.
The Art Show Opening is on Wednesday February 1, 2006 from 6 pm to
11pm at Steam Whistle Brewing, just south of the CN Tower. Expect
inspiring art, great people and good beer.
Lindsay Malet
The physical nature and process of drawing inspires me as an artist
to create tangible representations of the way that the hand might
produce its own perspective. I create this kind of representation by
using large scale drawings utilizing free flowing, inspired marks to
create complete visualizations of reality based images. The
relationship between the artists hand and the image, is mirrored in
the relationship between charcoal and the paper, thus creating
contrasting light versus, artist, versus subject. As an observer,
the charcoal and the paper plays mediator to the "hands eye view" of
the work. My goal as an artist is to create a space, among the
constraints and borders that artistic representation.
Lindsay has her Studio Art degree from the University of Guelph. Her
focus is large scale drawing, printmaking and painting. Lindsay is an
emerging artist in Toronto, and has shown her work in Toronto, Guelph
and Vancouver. She is currently working in Toronto as the Director of
the Klim School of Art along with teaching both adult and children
art classes
Jack Wilkinson
Recently I have been increasingly interested in the examination of
culturally loaded objects within the spaces they are found. My works
are displayed on a large scale designed to both work at a distance
and up close. The drawings are heavily worked and focus on the
creation of value through an expressive additive and subtractive
method. Thus it is my hope to challenge the viewer’s perception,
through the creation of an artificial life size space. Through the
storytelling nature of my work I would hope to create a kind of
modern mythology.
Throughout my undergrad degree at the University of Guelph, I have
shown my work multiple times within the Guelph and Kitchener region.
After graduating from university, I participated in the Toronto
Outdoor Art Show. Recently I have made the move to Toronto and I look
forword to the coming show at The Steam Whistle Gallery.
Currently listening:
Sounding a Mosaic By Bedouin Soundclash Release date: By 10 May, 2005
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
NNNOOOOO!!!!! Not you Stephanie! Current mood: morose
Two years ago, Jodie Sweetin, who played Stephanie Tanner on my favourite fucking sitcom of all time, Full House, found herself dangerously addicted to one of the most debilitating drugs, methamphetamine. She said she was unemployed and bored and began simply by experimenting. Soon, she was using meth everyday.
The tabloid press reported a three-day bender as well as an intervention staged by her "Full House" castmates — including the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget.
Sweetin, 24, never went as far as to blame her life as a child star for her addiction, but said that it was difficult to discover who she truly was after the show ended.
"There is a certain sense of loss when a series ends," she said. "It is kind of hard to figure out who you are when you've lost your job at age 13, when that was basically how you identified yourself."
Sweetin said she checked herself in to the Promises drug rehab facility where she went underwent six weeks of intense treatment. She realized that she "was living a total double life," she said. "I was married to a police officer — we are going through a divorce right now — he had no idea."
Sweetin has been clean and sober since March of last year and now wants to get back into acting.
"I want to make movies, TV series, wherever the career takes me," she said. "I really hope this isn't the last people hear of me. In fact, I would like to make this a footnote in my career, not the end."
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nudie model day Current mood: giddy
So, yesterday was nudie model day in the art class that I am taking. I had so much fun. I am really getting into this class. I would not say that I have discovered my hidden talent. Drawing is in no way my calling. But it is so much fun. I love to play with the charcoal and get messy. I take the class with a whole bunch of 'mature' ladies. and they are all way to uptight for their own good. It makes for an amusing ride though. They want the teacher to tell them how to paint 'properly', and the teach keeps trying to get them to emote and draw what they feel. Suffice it to say they do not like to play with the charcoal and get messy. But it makes me feel like the class ingenue, which is definitely fun.
And they were not comfortable with nudie model day, I'll tell you that. One woman brought donuts to, as she put it, 'loosen the mood'. And another said she 'could feel the electricity in the air'. It was pretty funny. Like watching porn with your grandma, or someone else's grandma.
I love taking this class. I used to be one of those annoying kid who had every afternoon booked with every type of class imagineable. I took piano, voice, ballet, tap, jazz, modern, gymnastics, tennis, skiing, art. Hell I was even in an after school math program. Kumon, to teach you speed math. But I haven't taken a class in a million years. But it is fun now, to put aside some time each week not building towards something. A job, a life. Just some time to indulge an interest that is completely frivolous. How aristocratic am I?
Currently reading:
The Artist's Complete Guide to Figure Drawing: A Contemporary Perspective on the Classical Tradition By Anthony Ryder Release date: By June, 1999
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Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Oscar Noms Current mood: contemplative
So, the Oscar Noms have been published. And I must say, apart from the Brokeback Mountain/Walk the Line craze, I am quite impressed. Not that I don't think that Brokeback and Walk the Line were good movies. It's just that they are this year's Jerry Maguire. The hype surrounding them has discredited any actual merit that they have and raped them of their dignity. If they win (which they will) the success, for me, will be discounted by the number of people who just voted for 'the big winner in the casino tonight.'
But I am cheering for the underdog in several categories. Starting with best supporting actress. I really want Amy Adams to win for Junebug. This was an under-attended film whose acting was an amazing portal into north/south, blue state/red state relations and Adams was its epicentre. Her bright eyed naivete really gave this movie the umph that separates it and illustrates the genuine heart of the south, even with its gun-toting religious fanatics.
I would love for Crash to win best original screenplay, as well as best direction for Paul Haggis. Besides being a Canadian (which earns him my vote. As a proponent and employee of the Great White North's underdeveloped film system I have to throw my support to any Canuck's in the running for any award) he has a fantastic voice. And this film, Amazing. He was the perfect outsider voice to comment on the oddity that is race relations in Los Angeles. And the range he was able to direct those actors with, and bring their disparate tales together with a common melancholy was outstanding. I will definitely be pulling for him. Although I am sure that Ang Lee is going to make a cute, stumbling acceptance speech too.
Although History of Violence is by a Canadian, my dream pick for best adapted screenplay would be Capote. Have you seen this movie? It's fan-frickin-tastic. The beats were all hit, the timing was impeccable and the dialogue superbly and subtly written. Although I am sure that this category will also be thrown at Ang Lee's Mountain.
I'm betting on Reese to win for best Actress. Although I am pulling for my girl Huffman. And it would be nice to see the award go to some a Silver Screen aristocrat, in the form of Dame Judi Dench. That woman has such grace and class that it would be a pleasure just to see her accept this award. But I am not that disappointed with the popular vote here. Reese actually got her shit together in this movie. It was nothing in particular. But I left the theatre thinking that Walk the Line reminded me why I love movies and Ms. Witherspoon was a big part of that. It's just that I can't take anymore of this 'little girl from Tennessee in the limelight' bullshit. and If I have to see Ryan Phillipe crowd Reese's nom close up in an awards show one more time I may puke. Someone give that man his career back!
As far as the male thespian's go, my opinions aren't as strong. I am pulling for Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was outstanding in Capote. But my vote is more just for him. I love that man to pieces and would give him a bessie for a cameo in a ford commercial given half a chance.
As for best supporting, I am torn. Jake Gyllenhal is an under-estimated actor, because he is so damn hot. The hottie factor often detracts attention from skill. But if one were to go way back, even before Donnie Darko and take a look at October Sky you could see the roots of his talents, which did shine in Brokeback. And Matt Dillon was deliciously detestable in Crash. While I don't think it will be a tight race, I definitely think it should be.

Best Picture is actually a tough category to choose from. While I definitely believe that it will go to Brokeback Mountain, I don't necessarily believe that it will not be for best marketing rather than best film. The other four films in the category were stellar. I loved Capote. Everything from the writing to the cinematography, acting, directing and sound were spot on. Crash was awesome, provocative and honest. Good Night and Good Luck, while I felt it dragged a bit, was subtly brilliant. I do love that stylized look that adds the history to a film visually that it needs to support its politics and emotional range. And Munich, hell we should give Spielberg an Oscar for stepping away from his pro-Israel politics and examining the issue from both angles, no matter how controversial. I am going to refrain from making a decision here.
And as a side note. I am not sure how I feel about the Palestinian film being nominated as best foreign language. Especially following a win at the Globes. Given the state of the Government now and all the change that is shifting in the region, giving an award to a Palestinian film solidifies their claim as a sovereign nation in American popular culture. A dangerous place to make these claims, considering the education factor of the American public. I just think that the politics are too tricky. But I haven't seen the film. So I cannot make any definite claims or statements. I just worry that we are supporting it to seem liberal and the oscars should be a cultural and aesthetic arena, not a political one.
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Friday, January 27, 2006
http://www.gawker.com/news/blue-states-lose/
check this out. It is so fucking funny I think I peed myself a little bit.
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the fire Current mood: thirsty
My new apartment has a fireplace, which is kick ass, or so i thought when I moved in. It is a gas fireplace that is attached to the thermostat in the living room and acts as the major heat source for the apartment. But the problem with it is that, in order to heat the place, there is a fan that blows the heat around, and it is so fricking loud. Like, if i am listening to music or something in the living room and the fan goes on I have to turn up the volume three or four notches just to hear it.
I had a fireplace that actually burned wood in my apartment on aylmer. it wasn't used for heat, but I loved it. Ariane and I would light fires and eat marshmallows and shit. It was pretty fucking awesome.
Currently listening:
Sometimes By City & Colour Release date: By 10 November, 2005
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Thursday, January 26, 2006
the big snooze Current mood: awake
So today I hit my snooze button six times. SIX TIMES!!!! at seven minutes per that was 42 extra minutes of sleep. Which caused me to forsake my shower and hightail it out of the house quicker than a virgin on prom night.
Although this morning was a bit extreme I have come to love the snooze so much that I schedule it into my day. I alow for two to three snoozes regularly. but it isn't just the extra sleep that helps in the morning time, it is knowing that you are getting those precious minutes. You are semi-conscious and aware of the luxury of your own bed. Especially in my case, because my bed is so kick ass. If you haven't actually napped in it you should really come over. The mattress is firm with a pillow top, the duvet is extra fluffy and I have four pillows, each with a different amount of denseness to accomodate a plethora of neck strains and activities. It is only during the snooze and the afternoon nap that these things are really appreciated.
I think that my bed may actually be my happy place.
Currently listening:
You Forgot It in People By Broken Social Scene Release date: By 03 June, 2003
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blast from the past Current mood: contemplative
So I am having the same experience on myspace that I found when I joined friendster, many moons ago. During the initial craze you go through your friends friends and then there friends, just surfing to see what catches your eye, and it always leads me to find old friends and acquaintances.
And it is like the song says, "lest ol'aqcuaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind." well, lang syne, there is now the e-generation to jog the memory. you can be flooded with old memories, catch up on stories and re-aqcuaint yourself with the past. It's pretty fun, and can be a little emotional at times.
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Tuesday, January 24, 2006
the centre Current mood: annoyed
Seems creepy and new wave, like some raelian shit, or that creepy mass suicide cult. But the simple truth is that I started my new contract at the
cfc (Canadian Film Centre) yesterday. Its pretty rockin. I am working for the WSFF (worldwide short film festival) as the print manager. Overseeing submissions process and screening prints originally sounded a little bit mundane. But the staff is small and we are all really involved in the entire festival. It is actually pretty awesome. The festival itself is in June and thoroughly rocks, screening national and international shorts, including fiction, documentary, experimental, animation and music videos. It is the place to screen the new "up and comers" in films. Especially in a world where technology allows anyone with a camera and computer to make a film, creativity oozes from every cultural pore. At the moment (and we are still very early in the submissions process) we have entries from over 80 countries. How awesome is that!?And the centre itself is prety cool. It is owned by the city of north york, and spearheaded by canada's own legend, Norm Jewison. It is this turn of the century estate with offices in the main house, coachhouse and surrounding old converted stables (one of which I am typing from this very moment) it has these sprawling grounds with lots of trees and is totally picturesque. Not a bad place to come and work on a creative project I totally believe in, even if my salary is a bit, ahem, lacklustre.And finally. My comments on last nights election. I was disappointed to say the least. But the evening did have its highs and lows. A conservative government, of any type, is definitely a drawback for this great nation in my opinion. But at least it is a tightleashed minority. And the liberals and ndp have a very strong showing in the key ridings I was watching. As for my personal vote. It totally counted. Olivia Chow won in my riding (well, my old riding, but the one I voted in) of Trinity-Spadina. And watching the results pour in, there were times she was leading by a margin of as little of 20 votes. When it is that close to call you are definitely glad you got out and made your big ups for your leader. Also, the coverage I was watching were interviewing some ery progressive conservative leaders who are neophyte mps, that I think could bring some good changes to the party. But I guess we just have to wait and see. As long as harper does not become the robin to Dubya's twisted batman, the caped invader, i think i can work with this government for a little while. Because, in the long run, the truth is, that switching the balance of power is the check and balance thing that democracy's all about. Anyone in power too long becomes at least a little fascist. I see a return to liberal power in the next decade. So let's see.
Currently reading:
Seven Types of Ambiguity By Elliot Perlman Release date: By 06 December, 2005

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

the centre

Seems creepy and new wave, like some raelian shit, or that creepy mass suicide cult. But the simple truth is that I started my new contract at the cfc (Canadian Film Centre) yesterday. Its pretty rockin. I am working for the WSFF (worldwide short film festival) as the print manager. Overseeing submissions process and screening prints originally sounded a little bit mundane. But the staff is small and we are all really involved in the entire festival. It is actually pretty awesome. The festival itself is in June and thoroughly rocks, screening national and international shorts, including fiction, documentary, experimental, animation and music videos. It is the place to screen the new "up and comers" in films. Especially in a world where technology allows anyone with a camera and computer to make a film, creativity oozes from every cultural pore. At the moment (and we are still very early in the submissions process) we have entries from over 80 countries. How awesome is that!?
And the centre itself is prety cool. It is owned by the city of north york, and spearheaded by canada's own legend, Norm Jewison. It is this turn of the century estate with offices in the main house, coachhouse and surrounding old converted stables (one of which I am typing from this very moment) it has these sprawling grounds with lots of trees and is totally picturesque. Not a bad place to come and work on a creative project I totally believe in, even if my salary is a bit, ahem, lacklustre.

And finally. My comments on last nights election. I was disappointed to say the least. But the evening did have its highs and lows. A conservative government, of any type, is definitely a drawback for this great nation in my opinion. But at least it is a tightleashed minority. And the liberals and ndp have a very strong showing in the key ridings I was watching. As for my personal vote. It totally counted. Olivia Chow won in my riding (well, my old riding, but the one I voted in) of Trinity-Spadina. And watching the results pour in, there were times she was leading by a margin of as little of 20 votes. When it is that close to call you are definitely glad you got out and made your big ups for your leader. Also, the coverage I was watching were interviewing some ery progressive conservative leaders who are neophyte mps, that I think could bring some good changes to the party. But I guess we just have to wait and see. As long as harper does not become the robin to Dubya's twisted batman, the caped invader, i think i can work with this government for a little while. Because, in the long run, the truth is, that switching the balance of power is the check and balance thing that democracy's all about. Anyone in power too long becomes at least a little fascist. I see a return to liberal power in the next decade. So let's see.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

for those who were worried

I am doing fine. A couple weeks of psychotic break has brought me back to where I have always been. Ready for any experience that comes along, but not freaking out anymore.

I just always have to re-realize that attraction is a fundamentally emotional and physical thing. I always try to intellectualize it. That is when I go a little nutty.

Anyway, these days I am just packing up and moving out. Ready to move in with a couple of friends. They are both awesome and I am sure i will discuss both at length in the future. But for now, I am blogging from the hosterl and there is a guy playing kick ass guitar in the next room that I am itching to go check out.

later skater.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

off the meds

for the past couple of years I have been taking this crazy little pill called effexor. You see, I went a little off the deep end a couple years back, for many reasons, all culminating in somerthing of a nervous breakdown. the thing is see, i have been diagnosed with this little disease called anxiety disorder where one picks something, a problem or situation to obseess over, and then proceeds to tear their life into tiny, unrecognizable shredsin order to get to an answer that simply does not exist. Mine, its lesbianism. now, contemplating my sexual orientation was once a valid quest. I, like so many others, experimented with play as a kid, and thoughts as a teen, but the thing is, it just never transpired into anything. A little experimentation, a kiss here and there, but generally in bars at college. While chicks are definitely the fairer sex and can be quite attractive, it has just never led to me wanting to roll around in the sack with any of them. And, the other thing is, even if it did, i just don't lead the type of life where that would be any sort of a problem. I am not religious, i have a liberal family and friends that just would not give a damn. The truth is, it would pose no problem for me to come out, i simply am not gay.
seems simple, right? not gay, nothing left to ponder, orientation wise. unfortunately... not so much. this humdinger of a wicked anxious brain i got simply cannot let it lie. it is not so much even reaching the conclusion as having something to worry about. this seeems to be "my thing"the little cut on the roof of my mouth that i can't leave alone, the hang nail i chew til it bleeds and continue to chew even after (all things which i also do, btw) its all very ocd. no answer is not a conclusion and i continue to drive myself mad with the question. thinking that if it keeps coming up it must be true. weird huh? never stops. i think that without the meds my mind speeds right back up and with my history and chemistry only worrying can feed the void. And even knowing this doesn't help. i know very well what i am doing. that i am not really in a crisis of self and sex, but rather, my mind must go a million miles a minute worrying about something, and there seems to beno present problem to fill it with.i must be anxious and what better question to ponder than the initial question of identity? it's like with skitsophrenics. not quite the same in terms of seriousness and affects on day to day life. but more, i cannot understand what it must be like to actually hear voices. you no they are a part of YOU, your mind, yet there is no control over them, they are a part of you but beyond you and no one could possibly get that unless they experienced it. same thing here. i get that my anxiety isw a part of my head, an answer that i can give. but i can't stop the question. no control. not for long anyway, momentary charge over my own brain. or lapses in it rather. as the anxiety only sets when my mind is unoccupied.
but will it ruin my life? effexor is bad for my brain, my body, in the long run, but is it worth it to have ny mind leave me aloe? should i go back on the vile stuff? it isn't like prozac or valium where it effects the mood, just gets the constant anxiety and questions to recede so that i can get to some fucking answers and let it all lie.
last time this happened, it turned out i had chosen to obsess rather than deal with my real problems. But now i don't think i am hiding anything from myself. i think the first step is to get back into therapy. maybe i am hiding something. i think i would be the last to know. but maybe my mind has just fallen into a pattern now. i don't get it, neurology and all that, crazy stuff, not for the faint of heart.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Dos Menos

So I know what I want for fucking christmas. I want the Dos Menos limo service. These two dudes, with the largest selection of cool ass music you have never heard before chauffeur you around and entertain with music and fucking car dancing and male-music nerd testosterone.
I got a ride home from two guys who work for Res from Montreal this Monday after the last stop on the Canadian res tour, which, by the way, turned out to be the most successful of all 30-something countries it toured (yay us). And fuck, if you ever need to be entertained for a long period of time in a car (or anyplace for that matter) these just may be the guys to do it.
No, to preface, I get so goddamn antsy in confined spaces for too long. I was driving my friend lara nuts on the train to montreal. I could not sit still or shut up. And she is not the first friend who has experienced that wrath. I have practiccally been banned from all planes and from riding shotgun in most friends cars on any roadtrip-like situation. But the five hours flew by in the Dos Menos car (for some reason, this is what they have decided to call themselves, their limo service, and proposed club act and radio show. I think there is a story behind it, but I never ascertained the facts). These guys, who for the sake of anonymity required by a website as popular and wide read as this one, I will call j and p. Well, j and P were trying to outdo eachother the whole ride. To fully appreciate you must understand that both J an P are the best kind of guy, in that neither is a jock and both lean much more towards the movie/music nerd, intellectual cool as fuck geeks that I so love. However, testosterone prevailed in the car, and hilarity ensued. They were trying so hard to outdo eachother with the most perfect song for the next rotation in the playlist, picking increasingly more obscure musicians, and feigning shock anda little bit of disgust when the other would admit to being as clueless as I was (the dumb chika in the back) as to who it was and why they were THE most important person in music today. J had his ipod and P had his cd collection and we worked the themes, tag-teaming back and forth all the way from the 40, along the 20, onto the 401, DVP and home. There was talk of continuing on to Hamilton, and I don't know, I got out of the car, it just may have happened.
Suffice it to say, I did not get to choose any songs on this Dos Menos radio extravaganza, but they did throw it to me for the weather report. nice, huh?

Monday, November 21, 2005

my coolest friend ever!!!

So, I have this friend named Jonna. She is one of the coolest chikas in the whole goddamn world. We met in uni, towards the end and just totally clicked. you know those people who you just get, and just get you back, and it just works. She is one of those.
This is why it made me especially sad when I just completely fucking lost her after she left Montreal. I had no idea how to find her (well, short of emailing her, but what's life, if not a challenge. I say, pooh-pooh to the easy route, c-mon where in the world is jonna mac?) but I have no found her, and I must say that, as expected, she has gotten herself involved in one of the coolest projects that I have heard of in a long time, and that naturally, she is documenting her adventures for all her boring friends to read. You can see them here.

Jonna, love and miss you.

in the mix

so, I told my friend, the one I have been falling for, how i felt about him last night. I pretty much got the reaction I expected. "I love you as a friend", "I don't know what to say", "I'm flattered, but..." But the thing was, that wasn't really the point. The whole thing is that I NEVER say that stuff when I mean it. Well, only to the mirror. I have been wimping out on those situations since Brian Drake rejected me in the tenth grade. And I think that was a real problem in my relationship with The Man. I never had to do anything, make myself uncomfortablem, put myself out on a limb, or even try, in general. He always made it so easy for me that eventually it was hard, because I didn't even feel like I was in the relationship at all, or at least that I had no control over it, I was just along for the ride.

Last night, when I was walking home I had this big, idiot grin on my face, and when I realized how smiley I was I had to check myself because, let's face it, I just got majorly rejected, and a little bit dissed. Why was I so fucking happy? And then I realized it was because after years and years I was finally in the game. and it was all that fucking hard. And if that was the worst that could happen, I could probably do that again. I mean, I make a fool out myself a million ways every day, why have I been guarding my heart against the same shit I put the rest of myself through? It seems like such a simple thing to realize. And I have always known it, but it takes a while for me to really get that stuff, I think that's true, on a certain level, for most people. I'm not stupid, I just wear glasses.

As for the guy and I. Only time will tell, but I think we will remain good friends. The admission didn't seem to change anything, maybe because it was no whipped cream bikini, i don't know, but simple honesty, on both our parts, may just save our friendship.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

dancing with my buddies

Went dancing at Buddies last night. This is the gay bar that buddies in bad times theatre turns into every once in a while. I must say, that despite the constant feeling of physical inadequacy and being the worst smelling person in the room I fucking love dancing with gay men. There is no "hey, nice to meet you mind if I shove my cock in your ass" guy trying to get all up in your dance space and you can sing along to kelly clarkson and ashlee simpson without a hint of irony. Everyone knows the words.
I must admit it was strange singing along with the boys to the Black Eyed Peas "lovely lady lumps" song without laughing, but they had all the attitude that Fergie has, if not the actual lady humps.